This has been one of the hottest topics on the table!
Why is it that so few couples seem to have found the secret to keeping love alive after the wedding?
While observing couples that were engaged or in a serious relationship over the years, I have noticed that we put our best foot forward to show affection and care for one another, preferring one another, during this time period. The focus was on all the good things we saw in each other, while choosing to ignore the things that we didn't like.
Ladies, once married, and the honeymoon is over, (by the way, the men expect the honeymoon to continue), and we choose to change our focus from all the good things we liked about our husband, to all the little things that he does that annoy us, the love in our relationship will surely diminish. It is easy to begin to put our attention on the wrong things, trying to change our husband, instead of respecting him and accepting him for who he is.
"A good man is hard to find, not to keep"
Men are very simple. Unlike us, men do not have up and down mood swings saying whatever is on their mind. They usually mean exactly what they say. In general, men will suffer in silence long before they will complain or yell out in pain, while ladies, we are more likely to use whining and complaining as a form of communication. (There are exceptions to the rule: In some cases it could be the opposite, our husbands could be the sensitive ones).
From my own experience, making sure he was fed when he was hungry, building him up with encouraging words and giving him lots of lovin, seemed to make a big difference.
As you are reading this, some of you are thinking, she doesn't know my husband, that will never work for him. Give it a try for one week by applying the things you did to impress him in the first place. Our husbands are not as complicated as we think they are.
One man said, "a few months after I got married, she started complaining, about petty things at first, like not taking out the garbage exactly when she wanted me to, or not hanging up my clothes. From there, she started attacking my character, and became a totally negative person. Before I married her, she was never negative. She was one of the most positive people I had ever met. That's what I loved about her". Interesting ladies!
Marriages don't always end over big disagreements. A lot of times it happens when little things become big things because we don't know how to let them go.
Couples that once loved each other, have now grown apart, tension fills the air in every conversation. Their self-centeredness leads to countless arguments in which they finger point and exaggerate one another's shortcomings. In reality, they lack something or someone to hold them together and to restore their lost love - that someone is Jesus Christ. You can experience His goodness, you can feel His love, no matter what you're going through if you ask Him to come into your heart. (Say: Jesus, I need your help, please forgive me for my short comings, I accept you into my life.)
If you and I really want the truth of the matter on the subject of love, let's look at what the Bible says in
1 Corinthians 13: .... Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Whenever I think of pointing the finger at my husband's lack, I ask myself, "am I operating in the God kind of love towards him?" and each time I realize that I fall short and need to give him some slack. I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.
This will be a daily struggle for all of us, however, if we would allow ourselves to see the cup half full, instead of half empty, we would have a more positive outcome.
Love does not need to evaporate after the wedding, but it will take some work to keep your heart
and attitude in the right place so your marriage can thrive.